Which Of This Have You Done In The Kitchen

We have all done at least one of these things in the kitchen before; be honest,
which of them are you guilty of _____?

1. Opening maggi cube with your teeth

2. Moving the hot pot with your wrapper / whatever you are wearing.

3. Dusting off your hand in the food when adding salt or maggi.

4. Using your hand to see if your rice or beans is cooked

5. Using the big cooking spoon to transfer a little soup to your palm to taste.

6. Eat directly from the pot

7. Using your cloth to clean a plate you want to use

8. Using your mouth to blow out the stove

9. Frying dodo (Plantain) and eating almost everything before you finish.

10. Using your bare hands to open the hot pot (forming superman)

Oya Confess

A boy was dating a girl who always hurt his feelings.


One day, she broke up with him and stormed out of the house.


Three months later, the girl had a change of heart. She realized that she
really loved the boy, so she went back to him and said, “Give me one more
chance. I love you and I need you.

I will never hurt you anymore.

” But the boy just laughed and said, “Only a fool would take back someone
who hurt them so badly…”

The girl felt hopeless and began to cry, 

but the boy put his arms around her, hugged her tightly and said, . .
. .
. .
.
“And I guess I am one of those fools

Are You Still Hurt???


Have you ever wondered why that longtime relationship you had with that someone that you loved so much had to end? Alright, stop wondering and
blaming yourself because it was all God’s plan. He saw that that relationship was going nowhere. He saw that the person you used to love wasn’t right for
you. God saw that you deserved better.
He saw that person wasn’t serious with you. God never wanted you to get hurt the more than you were. God saw that that person was busy dating other people behind your back. He saw that you were getting destroyed mentally, emotionally & physically over someone who was seeing somebody else. God saw that person was only tearing you down and making your life miserable. He
never wanted you to waste more of your time on that person. Seriously God had to interrupt you, so you can start afresh. He had someone else for you.
Now look at yourself, you’re getting over that pain. You’re now getting stronger, wiser and happier. You can now live your own life; you have no stress and worries. You can now even help other people who are going through the same exact thing you went through. You now gained experience; you now know how to handle your heart delicately & how to go about relationships.
Fine, you were hurt but trust me that relationship ended for a special reason. Thank God for that because He saved you from many things. You can now either give yourself time, or you can try catching up feelings for that other person who seem to be interested in you, and if you’re already attached with someone please love that person genuinely but take it slowly and be careful.
Love with all your heart, but pls take your brain along with.

FAKE FRIENDS/ REAL FRIENDS 
FAKE FRIENDS: never ask for food 
REAL FRIENDS: is the reason you have no food 
FAKE FRIENDS: call your parents Mr\Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: call your parents dad/mom
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: borrow yo stuff for few days then gve it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep yo stuff so long they forget its Yos
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things abt u
REAL FRIENDS: could write a book abt you Wth direct quotes from u
FAKE FRIENDS: will leave u behind f that is Wat the crowd is doin
REAL FRIENDS: will kick the whole crowds dat left you
FAKE FRIENDS: would knock on yo front door
REAL FRIENDS: walk right in and say I'm home
FAKE FRIENDS: are for a while
REAL FRIENDS: are for a life tym
FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad yo the person who talks bad abt u
REAL FRIENDS: will knock the person out that talk bad abt u
FAKE FRIENDS: would ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: will send this to their friends and hope to get it back!!!!
If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your funeral because I'd be in jail for killin the person who did it.
First I wantd to let you know that I loVe you to death n think u r amazing. Second if I dont get this back I understand...
U must send it to 14 people that u really care abt including the person that sent it to u. IF u receive least 7 then u are ***amazing***

I was in love wit a lady i met on 1 of the social media, i loved her dearly! I called ha often, day nd 9te. I went mad of ha love. I promised ha my love. Later on she told me that she is scared of telin me some tin. I told nd promised ha neva to let it go! Even if it means death i.ll nt only lovn ha bt MARRY ha. So i told ha to fil free nd tel me.
SHE‬ TOLD ME SHE HAVE A KID (Child) and the baby iz at 6yrs na.
Ha ex guy did that !
Bt i stil promise ha of my love nd i gve ha assurance neva to panic to that. I dnt mind.

Only to discover that she was a sex worker!!!

Plz what do i do NOW? keep the fire burning or QUIT???

A secondary school teacher in Anambra state was asking each of her students what they would like to be when they grow up...
Chekwube the most stubborn boy in the class stood up and said " I will be a billionaire, marry the hottest wife, make love to her 3 times a day, take her to Dubai for shopping every 2 months, buy her the most expensive car, travel with her to different places around the world" The teacher ignores chekwube for his non-chalant attitude and asks Chiamaka what she will in the future.
Chiamaka quietly whispered " I will like to be Chekwube's wife"

A guy in order to raise some money, decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
He went to a playground, grabbed a child, took him behind a tree, and said to him; I have kidnapped you!

He wrote a note saying; I have kidnapped your child. Tomorrow morning, put 10,000 Naira in a paper bag and put it under the Mango tree next to the slide on the left hand side of the playground. Signed, Kidnapper.

The guy then pinned the note to the child's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the guy checked, and a paper bag was beneath the mango tree.

The guy opened the bag and found the 10,000 Naira with a note that said; ''How could you do this to Akpos?''

One word for Akpos.

Akpos was asked to go and buy things in the market.
Due to his illiteracy, his madam gave him a list to help him buy accurately.
List
Magi - 10 naira
Salt - 50 naira
Oil - 200 naira
Fish - 400 naira
Total = 660 naira
So akpos left the house around 11am and at 3pm he is not yet back from the market.
The madam was so worried and decided to call akpos on phone.
Madam: hello akpos what is holding you, you have stayed too long, what happend?
Akpos replied: I have bought the magi, salt, oil and fish but am looking for Total to buy, you included Total in the list you gave to me. I have gone round the market but nobody has Total...
One word for akpos! ?

If d children of Israel were Nigerians!!
While crossing d red sea they would've wasted d whole day in middle of d sea taking 'pictures' & uploading on Facebook & Twitter with comments
like...


(1) chilling with Moses
(2) miracle things on point
(3) crossing mode activated
(4) cruising in d red sea
(5) Pharaoh no fit catch us
(6) Omoo see fish flexing
(7) Fish for sale, ping for delivery
(8) flexing with Uncle Mo!
(9) swimming mode activated
(10) my boo and i on fish hunting... Abi l lie? Lol

“Most terrible wife ever” – Tchidi Chikere 

slams his ex-wife, shares photos of her

 with another man

Nollywood producer/director TChidi has blown the lid on why his marriage with estranged wife Sophia crumpled by exposing photos of Sophia with her lovers.

According to TChidi, he has tried in a matured way to be silent about the whole issue but he just can’t hold it anymore.


“Sophia is the most terrible wife ever in life, somebody that never gave me a home, she wanted a party freak life, no respect for marriage…all Sophia ever wanted was bear his name, no love, no affection.” he vented on twitter You will recall that Sophia had accused Tchidi’s new wife – actress Nuella Njugbigbo – of breaking her home and stealing Tchidi from her.

See Tchidi’s tweets and photos shared below:

By Omotola Filani on April 3, 2014

Joke

Akpos went to show his girlfriend how much he loved her
then this conversation began

AKPOS : i love you my girl, see i can swim for u in d ocean, i can fly in d air, i can walk on d sea, all just because of ur love

GIRL : ( flatterd  ) pls wait let me ask you a question

AKPOS : go on my dear

GIRL : ( in happy mood  ) can you die for meee????

AKPOS : noooo.......! My love for you is undying love oo

ONE WORD FOR AKPOS

Akpos promised his girlfriend 20k while chatting with her on BBM, a week later she unexpectedly visited him while he was about to traveled

"honey where is the 20k u promised me last week" she asked

akpos reply" i dont have any money with me right now babe, but here is my ATM card, you can withdraw all d amount in my account
he gave her his ATM knwowing fully well he had nothing in his account
half way through his journey he received a call from his friend

"hello akpos" i just deposited 100,000 in your bank account now, the money i have been owing you since last six month, you will soon receive the alert now
.
.
.
.
Akpos is now in the hospital for crashing his car into a tree

Akpos in a sport class

TEACHER : who is the best striker in nigeria??

Only Akpos raise up his hand

TEACHER : ( got angry :@ ) is it only Akpos that i always tought in dis class?? Now akpos take dis cane and give them 6stroke of cane each

After Akpos has serve them round, the class is now noisy with cry ;( 

TEACHER : now akpos my boy tell all dis goat who called themself a student the best striker in nigeria

AKPOS : oga na ASSU
.
.
.
.
.
Teacher fainted
.
.
.
.
GUESS WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT

Chelsea fans say they rule this page....Let's see which club has the most fans in our page.!


1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Arsenal
4. Manchester City
5. Liverpool
6. Real Madrid
7. Barcelona
8. Milan
9. Bayern Munchen
10. Borussia Dortmund
11. Atletico de Madrid
12. Inter Milan
13. Juventus
14. Roma
15. Olympiakos
16. Panathinaikos
17. Paris Saint Germain
18. Olympique Marsseille
19. Napoli
20. Monaco
21. Bayer Leverkusen
22. Benfica
23. Porto
24. Ajax
25. (Other, mention it)

Just comment the number! Lets goo!

BOY: A, B, C
GIRL: What?
BOY: Always Be Careful
GIRL: Ahan then?
BOY: D, E, F, G
Girl : ??
BOY: Don't Ever ForGet That
GIRL: Hmmm...
BOY: I'm H I
Girl: What H I ?
BOY: Happily In love
GIRL: So ??
BOY: J, K, L, M, - Just Keep Loving Me
GIRL: And how about N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z ?
BOY: No Other Person Quite, Reasonable , Shall Treat U Very Well Xcept me You'll Zee

Which of the following best described APC


1] APC = Association of Past Criminals
2] APC = All Past Criminals
3] APC = Aboki People Congress
4] APC = Aggrieved Political Criminals!
5] APC = Almajiri Peoples Party
6] APC = Arab Peoples Congress
7] APC = All professional criminals
8] APC = Aggravated Prostrate Conspiracy
9] APC = Agbro Peoples Camp
10] APC = Allah Peoples Congress
11] APC = Aggrieved Peoples Congress
12] APC = Agbero People Congress

Buhari has clearly stated that muslim can only vote muslim, their is no
democracy in this party, to call it a national party only means that the nation
is Islamic, as to call it a national party as in a democracy goes against the
teachings of Islam. Hence I reiterate Nigeria if it as allowed to remain will be a
total Islamic nation run by extremists and if you do not convert you will die by
the hands of their military arm, with your head cut off if they want to be
kind.

Football vs Sex.
1. Going to your bf/gf without being invited = OFFSIDE.
2. Dating a girl today and having sex on the same day = FREE-KICK.
3. Condom = GOALKEEPER
4. Condom breaks = PENALTY
5. Abortion = RED CARD
6. A girl with lots of energy = CAPTAIN
7. Having sex without a condom = OWN GOAL
8. Taking a lot of time without coming = MAN OF THE MATCH.
9.Banging 3 girls in a day = HAT-TRICK.
10. Having many chicks and banging all = MVP
11. Having sex with your ex = FRIENDLY MATCH
12. 8 years of sex without getting a child = ARSENAL
13. After 2 rounds, u request for more =EXTRA TIME.
14. Taking it gently when having sex = FAIR PLAY
15. Biting her n!pples = SUAREZ
16.Two legs on shoulder = THROWIN
17. Asking her 'how do you want it' = Taking instructions on the sideline.
18. A lady using pills after sex and later still got pregnant = DEFENSIVE
ERROR
19.Girl being pregnant = GoOoOoOallllll
20.Ur guy collect ur chick= True pass
21.Having sex with a girl..and your mum open d door= Injury
22.You and your girl break up= Game over
23. Girl tell u to stop= YELLOW CARD